When I went to Sue's house it felt empty as it always does now that she is gone. I shifted desultory through paper and found her last bills which she had asked me to claim. I have to claim them. But not right away. There are other things that I need to do such as weed her garden.
I donated a bunch of stuff to FIND. It is what Sue would have wanted. I wanted to honour her wishes which were always to help others. She articulated this to one of my brothers and I happened to overhear this instruction. Help others. That's the purpose of our transient existence.
I am not the helpful kind. I am of the grudging and forced doing kind. This is who I am. But at least except for a few hard occasions, I was there for Sue. I was forced to be better than who I am by my older boy who told me to stand by Sue.
Now she is gone. Every room has her things in them. But these things -loved and enjoyed by Sue aren't Sue. They were bought by Sue but they aren't her. She was the woman who looked after my mother with dementia every day. She was at my mother's deathbed. She stayed by Rebecca when I was missing in action. Then when I got sued for speaking out about Rebecca, she stood by me for 2 long years as that lawsuit dragged on. With my dad she was patient and loving. She left him with a legacy of a beloved daughter who never complained and who did what she could for him.
I am not Sue. But at least I was able to overcome my selfishness to stand by Sue.