Monday, April 24, 2017

hope

There are a few clots of snow on the wall of the lawn. The blot of snow on the soccer field is becoming rare.  On the roofs of the houses about my writing room there is some snow like a sand layer stuck to the edges and corner. Snow keeps on falling as if to tell us that there is no respite.

I made a package soup for supper along with a tray of veggies with dip. Younger boy has some sausage as well. It was an unpretentious meal.

The writing room is full of lawsuit paper. It is a snow of paper inside the room. The dust is everywhere. I have only removed a few pieces of paper and put them in a basket so that I can walk to the geraniums and water them.

While the snow outside and the snow inside collects I sit like a statue on the worn chair where I have sat for years now learning the mystery of putting thoughts into lines and I think about the world of writing. How is it that I began and keep going?

Surely there are other things I could do with my life?  Of course there are the boys.  They are the best part of my life. Without the boys I would be a rather raw, like a crab apple -sour and green.  Now they are here and I feel ripe and ready.

In the store there were pots of pansies waiting for spring. I saw them with the same sense of happiness that every spring brings. I feel hopeful.

Of course the paper in the room-this blizzard of medical notes and story are everywhere to deflate the hope but it still persists like a tattoo that I myself needle into the surface of my brain. You must hope -I tell my reluctant mind.  This is why you write. Hope. The act of writing is an act of hope. Outside of my mind, the world rears up on the hind legs of donkeys and enters a fray that I am all too conscious of is embedded in our DNA. Conflict.

Turn away from conflict. Embrace hope. Write. The story you are forming in the years spent in the room will make itself and you will put the story out.  It's a matter of hope.
Hope-that spirit that sits in your sons and says it's name clearly and persistently.
Hope.


https://www.pinterest.com/djcoulter/armen-gasparyan-1966-~-symbolist-painter/?lp=tru

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