Friday, February 10, 2017

-Timeline 2013------I open my parcel.

Because it is now late reading my handicapped sister's timeline of events is very slow work.
I have a timeline of e-mails that I made asking everyone for help.
Of course, the help I got was not from the GOA. I had to learn by myself what the regulations and legislation were. It was a long slow process.
Sometimes when you are at the beginning of a series of events, you are lost -wandering around like an ant on a big peony branch and almost falling off.
When I started helping my sister in 2013 I was not sure about the continuing care system. I had begun helping my sister in 2010 when she first went into the system but feeling overwhelmed had given the job to my poor dad.
Then in 2013, I began again.
I am in 2013.
Going back into the past is an odd thing.
You wonder at how naive you were.
You wonder why no one would tell you the facts of the situation.
You wonder about a lot of stuff.
But going back into the past is also something of a revelation.
You find out you have learned things you would never have learned if everything went well.
You learn that you failed sometimes but sometimes you were good and did not give up.
You find out that every step you took in the past--however horrific and painful--has lead to the place you are now.
The timeline of events is useful because you compress life into a manageable package that can be opened without the feeling that the past is dynamite.
You can sit with the small parcel of events and believe that these events -in this parcel--- are approachable and acceptable.
I open my parcel.

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